Ode to sleep…how I dream of sleep…it’s time to wake up Amy!

14 Jun

I am so amazed at how quickly time passes and how my commitment to being a regular blogger has begun to wane.  This was meant to be my avenue, my channel, my medium to share and sometimes vent about how crazy life is and how crazy it sometimes makes me trying to balance it all.  This was my forum to share with other moms that it is really difficult to find balance and for me, it is a constant struggle.  This is my forum where I get honest about how it really is and what I am doing each day to make it a better world for my kids…for me. 

I am a mom.  I am a wife.  I am a lawyer (but not in the traditional, highly paid sense…I won’t digress).  I am a fitness “pro” (I still feel that I need to put that it quotations as I am not sure that I am a pro at anything).  I am a sister.  I am a daughter.  I am a friend.  But more than anything. I am tired.  So tired.  Sometimes physically tired.   Sometimes emotionally tired.  Sometimes mentally tired. 

Life is hectic….but that is my own doing and it must be my own undoing if things are ever to change.  I stand on my soapbox preaching balance all the while seemingly be the role model of the gal who can balance it all….it’s all a facade.  Just like every other busy mom who sometimes feels like she wants to pull her hair out and is pulled in a million different directions, I forget appointments, am late to meetings, often show up at work with something spilt on my clothes, I yell, I sometimes use my husband as a verbal kicking bag and I sometimes forget that my kids are…well, just kids.

I will be the first to admit that I struggled with my identity when I had kids.  Before kids I was pretty certain of who I was…I was a frickin’ rock star!  But then again, why the hell wouldn’t I be ~ I had all the time in the world just for me…can I hear a WOO HOO…especially from those moms who know what I am talking about.  Sure, I was a lawyer working in a big law firm, with the big billable hours and sure, I was still teaching fitness classes…but it feels like I had SO much time!  I did yoga, read lots and lots of books, saw friends, went on trips…I was spontaneous, fun-loving and even a little attractive.  Fast forward and in a life that sometimes feels like a daze, I have lost sight of who that person was…the person I am.  I must admit, I am a little jealous of who she was sometimes ~ come on moms, it’s okay for us to admit that sometimes we would like to spend a few days being that former self.  I would never want to camp out there permanently because even though things are crazy and hectic and I am tired, I have the best gift in the entire world ~ two super awesome kids.

Today I am on my soapbox not to share healthy recipes, not to share workouts, my teaching schedule or talk about how I balance it all…I am on my soapbox to admit that life sometimes feels like TOTAL mayhem, not just for me, but for all moms out there.  For as crazy as life is and for as scattered and tired as I feel, I know that I am lucky – seriously, really lucky.  Two fantastic kids and a husband who is an amazing father who works every day to make this life a better, more fun-loving for all of us.  He knows he is a rock star…yep, imagine that!  He used to be a rock star and little has changed since we met and our life together has changed.  I could take a cue from him now couldn’t I.

It’s time to throw some caution to the wind and give myself a break and let myself live…exist…be…play…explore…breathe…allow life to happen and embrace what comes next.  My kids aren’t going to be malnutritioned if all their meals are not cooked from scratch.  No one is going to judge me if the clothes aren’t perfectly folded (hell, they rarely are anyway).  Instead of trying so hard to make things perfect…I am going to spend a little more time just letting things happen.

Tonight the kids will have grilled cheese instead of baked chicken and rice…why?  Because I have a date at the playground with my son for an extended tetherball match.  I will play until he has had enough…or until the sun goes down. 

If life is about balance…and balance and being balanced is why I started this blog in the first place, then I had best get out there and start living.  I don’t want to look back years from now when my kids are grown and realize that I spent so much time trying to make a perfect life and I completely neglected just simply living…my kids deserve better, I deserve better.

Carpe Diem Mommies!
~ Amy

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